At what point do we say enough is enough when our children dont respect us. Do we have the right to respect from our kids or do we have to earn it? We feen them, clothe then love them, drive them places, pit up with their whining, give them money, listen to them, advise them, talk to them, encourage them, stick up for them, and many other things, but what if its not enough? What if what ever we do they just dont give anything, eben a decent conversation. Feeling very sad at the moment, and cant see it getting any better. All i would like is some respect, some kindness and a positive relation ship with my grown up kids, instead of criticism. Going to work tonight sad and very empty.

Had a good vew weeks at work and have lost a stone thorugh sheer physical work. Its ha going but i feel better mentally and physically, which is amazing, because when i wasnt in work, i felt depressed, lethargic and goalless. Also been feeling invisible and unimportant the last few weeks and have been battling insecurity and my own feeling sof low self esteem, it is  a daily battle and feelings of inferiority cloud my whole life. Why doea this happen and will i ever nto have to worry about who i am and feelings of self worth. I know where theyve come from, but dealing with barrages of put downs and lack of respect towards myself is not nice. Anyway onwards and upwards, have had some ncie things happen over the past few days and so feeling happier about that. Hopefully some words of encouragement and happier words in my next post. Keep on beleiveing in yourself  you matter and so do i

Im not really one for having really close pals and doing everything together. There is too  much going on in my brain or room for this in my life. With family issues, family other freinds to see, work, and everythign else, I just cant see how I can fit this in emotionally or practically, maybe one day this might change, but ive also had my fair share of fairweather freinds, those when things are great for a while, then they lose interest, and then wondering whether they were true freinds in the first place. The best freinds i have are those who I dont see for a while, but its all stull okay and we can cathc up from where we left off. A lot of people need more than this in their lives, including my kids, freinds are wverything to them, but Iive lways been a bit of a loner, thats just the way I am, but thats not to say I need closeness, but just with people when its  not hard work or i have to worry about offending them or just being able to be myself without judgement, thats yrue freindship.

Okay great ive got a stress fracture in my foot, and ive got a long night shift ahead of me, so two supports on, two paracetamol, some deep heat, yhos has got to work, am not going to go sick. I must admit that im geown a little bot more robust over the last few weeks, but also acquired a back ache, bruises all down my arms, scrapes down the back of my shins, a stress fracture that requires complete rest. Oh well the show mucy go on.

Just checking in, been working hard ghe last week and have hd no time to do any writing, im becoming mote robust at doing nights, im fine as long as im not too tired. Anyway i can see a great future in employment and has given me the confidence to acheive big things. There is four main reasons fo rm doing such physical work, they are called jacob, abbie, maddie and theo. 

Ive never felt so alive, yet so tired. Yes having completed a week of nights, and struggled to sleep in the day, but when I dont have to work the next night, i sleep like a log. Ive read an in credible article from MINd this week about learning to accept yourself, its taken years for me to get to the point when I can say Im okay. Accept yourself, its easier said then done, but really its the core of living life fo the full, accept your faults, we all have them, be nice to yourself, be nice to others, it really is the hub of living. It starts with your own beliefs in youreslf, forget what other people think of you, it doesnt matter, you matter, so live life as though you do.