Feeling slightly mote positive, life is pretty tough at ghmoment but im going to focus on all the positives n my life and  make better decisions. Going to sepnd time woth my bambinos duting the holidays and make the most of them being young before they fly the nsest.

Not the best week ever, feelign lonely, sad and isolated. I wish people would accept me for who i am, regardless of what i look like, how much money i have, but the world doesnt work like that does it, its harsh, cruel and judgemental. This lonelieness will never go away, guess i a just have to learn to live with it.

Okay I have one son who now is an official backpacker in Europe, one niece backpacking on the gold coast in australia and i have to admit I am downright jel. Okay so i did a bit of chamber maiding in germany when i was 20, but what happened? Did i just wake up one morning  married at 23 with four chavvies subsequently coming along, did this happen by accident. No is the answer, I amde my choices and uktimatley I wanted to have a family from the age of 20, i wanted babies and family life and there are no regrets on this point. But....... I didnt prepare  financially, it can only be described as going on holiday without any money, the children are the ultimate amazing experience, but i want to spoil them, splash out, take them travelling, instead I have gone grey with worry about about paying bills, heating the house, making aure te fridge is full with healthy foods, i know and i do knwo that money means nothing, int he great scheme of things and i am  in no way materialistic, but it would have been secure, and made me slightly happier to have enjoyed their childhoods more, instead of constant worry. Heres to things looking up financially,